Shannon
01-06-2008, 01:39 PM
It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown
*This article was adapted from a great book by the same name, that might help guide you through a rough breakup. I flipped through it after my break-up, but
Do you know the rules for splitting up? These are more important than state and federal laws. Break ‘em and you might just find yourself handcuffed to your ex!
by Lisa Steadman from "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown!"
Posted: Sat., Jul. 7, 2007 , 9:40 am EDT
For the record, your breakup rocks. Why? Because you chose you — amazing you — over a relationship that wasn’t working anymore. If you were the one who got broken up with, don’t think that getting dumped means you’re broken or that you don’t rock. Consider it a wake-up call (and a gift from the universe). In ending your relationship, he just gave you permission to move on without looking like the villain. (Hey, that rocks too!)
After the intense, agonizing and/or nauseating pain that comes with a breakup, comes the pleasure: the pleasure of rediscovering yourself and your fabulous life. The pleasure of your girlfriends’ company. Even the pleasure of allowing yourself that cookie-dough ice cream every night for three weeks. Eventually, you’ll even get to the pleasure of meeting someone new. But before this can happen, you must understand and adhere to the following breakup rules:
Breakup Rule #1: You cannot sleep with your ex. Some of you may think this is a ridiculous rule. You may be so hurt, angry or just plain over the relationship that you can’t possibly imagine sleeping with your ex. But as someone who’s been there, I know just how tempting it is to fall back into the arms of your ex. Sex with your ex offers that false sense of security that everything’s the way it once was.
Breakup Rule #2: Not only can you not sleep with your ex after a breakup, but you should avoid any contact with him at all, including calling, texting, e-mailing, checking his MySpace page, instant messaging, driving by his house, showing up at his work or leaving notes on his car. As hard as it may be to accept, your relationship is over. Most people who try to stay friends with their ex are just doing so in hopes of either rekindling the relationship or using the other person as a crutch until someone better comes along. What happens when it’s the other person who moves on first? Ouch!
Breakup Rule #3: Do not save phone messages from your ex and replay them over and over just to hear his voice. That’s self-destructive and will only hurt your ability to let go and move on.
Breakup Rule #4: Don’t cave in if your ex contacts you. After you’ve parted ways, your ex may decide to be a clueless cad who tries to keep in touch with you. But don’t be fooled. It’s not a sign from the universe that the two of you should reconcile. If he calls, hang up or say something dirty and apologize, claiming you thought he was your new boyfriend. If he e-mails, delete it immediately (don’t even read it!). If he stops by, politely but firmly ask him to leave you alone.
Remember, breakups are like Band-Aids — it’s just better to peel your breakup off quickly, feel the pain and be done with it. Now that your ex is no longer in the picture, you’re free to be your amazing self, live your incredible life, and eventually meet someone new. Maybe even the One. Isn’t that worth a little heartache along the way?
Adapted from "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown" by Lisa Steadman. Copyright © 2007 by Lisa Steadman (lisasteadman.com). Used by permission of Adams Media, an F+W Publications Co. All rights reserved.
*This article was adapted from a great book by the same name, that might help guide you through a rough breakup. I flipped through it after my break-up, but
Do you know the rules for splitting up? These are more important than state and federal laws. Break ‘em and you might just find yourself handcuffed to your ex!
by Lisa Steadman from "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown!"
Posted: Sat., Jul. 7, 2007 , 9:40 am EDT
For the record, your breakup rocks. Why? Because you chose you — amazing you — over a relationship that wasn’t working anymore. If you were the one who got broken up with, don’t think that getting dumped means you’re broken or that you don’t rock. Consider it a wake-up call (and a gift from the universe). In ending your relationship, he just gave you permission to move on without looking like the villain. (Hey, that rocks too!)
After the intense, agonizing and/or nauseating pain that comes with a breakup, comes the pleasure: the pleasure of rediscovering yourself and your fabulous life. The pleasure of your girlfriends’ company. Even the pleasure of allowing yourself that cookie-dough ice cream every night for three weeks. Eventually, you’ll even get to the pleasure of meeting someone new. But before this can happen, you must understand and adhere to the following breakup rules:
Breakup Rule #1: You cannot sleep with your ex. Some of you may think this is a ridiculous rule. You may be so hurt, angry or just plain over the relationship that you can’t possibly imagine sleeping with your ex. But as someone who’s been there, I know just how tempting it is to fall back into the arms of your ex. Sex with your ex offers that false sense of security that everything’s the way it once was.
Breakup Rule #2: Not only can you not sleep with your ex after a breakup, but you should avoid any contact with him at all, including calling, texting, e-mailing, checking his MySpace page, instant messaging, driving by his house, showing up at his work or leaving notes on his car. As hard as it may be to accept, your relationship is over. Most people who try to stay friends with their ex are just doing so in hopes of either rekindling the relationship or using the other person as a crutch until someone better comes along. What happens when it’s the other person who moves on first? Ouch!
Breakup Rule #3: Do not save phone messages from your ex and replay them over and over just to hear his voice. That’s self-destructive and will only hurt your ability to let go and move on.
Breakup Rule #4: Don’t cave in if your ex contacts you. After you’ve parted ways, your ex may decide to be a clueless cad who tries to keep in touch with you. But don’t be fooled. It’s not a sign from the universe that the two of you should reconcile. If he calls, hang up or say something dirty and apologize, claiming you thought he was your new boyfriend. If he e-mails, delete it immediately (don’t even read it!). If he stops by, politely but firmly ask him to leave you alone.
Remember, breakups are like Band-Aids — it’s just better to peel your breakup off quickly, feel the pain and be done with it. Now that your ex is no longer in the picture, you’re free to be your amazing self, live your incredible life, and eventually meet someone new. Maybe even the One. Isn’t that worth a little heartache along the way?
Adapted from "It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown" by Lisa Steadman. Copyright © 2007 by Lisa Steadman (lisasteadman.com). Used by permission of Adams Media, an F+W Publications Co. All rights reserved.