How do you feel about premarital sex? Do you think it's a good idea to "test the waters" before you decide to spend the rest of your life with someone? Or should it be saved until after marriage and for only one person?

Well considering I didnt wait till after DH and I got married to have sex I guess I'll say to test the waters. :giggle Plus did you ever see that commercial with the guy and girl who got married and then the girl started to pee standing up. :lol Yea I bet he wished he tested the waters first :giggle

I personally plan to wait until marriage. Partially due to religious beliefs, but mainly because I want to make sure that I am with the person that I'm *hopefully* spending the rest of my life with before I lose something that I can never get back and share something so personal and intimate. Also, I guess I'm trying to protect myself. I don't want to regret something like that.

However, I know this isn't for everyone. Many argue that if both partners are ready that it shouldn't wait....or say things like "you wouldn't buy a car with out taking it for a test drive...." So I say whatever is best for the individual as well as the couple. But I still plan to hold on to my v-card til I'm married.

I have mixed feelings about it. I had pre-marital sex and don't really feel guilty about it...I think it was a growing experience for me. I like knowing I tested the waters a bit and experienced that type of thing with others before marriage. Kinda sowing the seeds.

But with that said, now that I am married to the one I love, I wish I had waited for him! We had premarital sex too, we tried to hold out but it just wasn't going to happen :teehee I would've liked to have given him my viriginity (either before or after our wedding), but I don't regret anything I've done in the past either.

I am going to try and teach my kids that it should be something you keep until you are married, but will say if they choose to not wait till marriage to make sure they not only realize the risks they are taking and better be ready to take on any responsibilities or outcomes, but also that they don't just do it to do it...make sure there's meaning there, cause once it's gone it's gone and you can't ever get it back!

I really think you should test the waters 1st

I don't think it would be that bad to have sex with the one you are going to marry..before you get married. But you never know what is going to happen. My ex and I talked about getting married many times...and he gave me a promise ring. But things ended up not working out. If I had had sex with him, I think getting over him would have been soooo much harder, and I think I would have regretted it. (maybe not..but who knows)

I'm for waiting, especially because I planned on it and didn't. I regret it all the time.

Well, I didn't wait. I was 4 months pg with Breanna when John and I got married. In a way I wished I had waited. It would have been nice to say John is the only one I had sex with and we waited til we were married. But then again by testing the waters I know I'm very happy where I am and there is nothing out there I want to go get. I think it is great if someone can wait til they are married. Than again if someone wants to go test the waters, as long as they don't take it too far, then so be it. Now if we are talking about my daughter then she will be a virgin til she dies. :lmao No, seriously, I will teach her to have self confidence so she doesn't feel like she has to do it just so the guy will like her or will stay with her. And I will teach her to be very choosy about who she has sex with, not to do it with just anybody. There is no way I can keep her from having sex with someone before she gets married so I'm hoping by instilling good morals and values in her she will make good and wise choices.

I think it's something that can't be generally decided. Every person is different, every case is different. I didn't wait, and I don't regret it. For me, I think it's important to know that aspect of a relationship before deciding on marriage.

i do not agree w/ waiting till marriage. i just don't think it is waht is right for me. at all.
It might be right for some, but to be totally honest, I often find people who say they are waiting for religious believes to be pompous. (katie, you have never once come off as pompous at all though!). But i mean there are people who think they are better Christians or whatever for waiting, and honestly, it is my opinion that God would not have given us sexual desires that we couldnt act on.

I think testing the waters is the best decision. I don't really regret sleeping w/ John (my ex). I regret the 1st time, maybe. But in the long run those experiences helped make me who I am now. The next guy I date I might not sleep w/. For me, it is about the connection I have with the guy, I would also not date a guy who was a virgin though. I do not feel comfortable taking that from someone and refuse to be a guy's regret later in life

Nope I don't regret my first time at all...it was with Nick and I was 17 so I just figured I was ready. That and I'd been in love with him since the day we moved next door :wink

I waited til I got married and I'm glad I did, it was very special.

I don't have a problem with pre-marital sex. It helped me grow as a person and define myself as a woman. Sure there have been men that I look back and say "Wow, yeah, he was lame and that was dumb" but I haven't ever regretted my decisions.

Quite frankly, since I've had experience with other men, it made me realize just how special and amazing sex can be with the right person. The first time with DB I was just stunned that it could be like that. I knew it was right between us, that there was something there that I'd never had before. I can say for certain that he rocks my world like no one else!! :sex :hump

I grew up believing that I would always wait until I got married. I didn't. I just wanted to fall in love and get married.... and I was waiting for sex. I got tired of waiting after my first actual IN LOVE relationship went bad, so I went for it. I think it would have been great to wait... but then if you wait, I think you wonder what else is out there. But then, you wouldn't have anything to compare your husband too. Which I think would be good, I have mixed feelings.

I didn't wait but then again not sure if I wanted to really do it or not

i do not agree w/ waiting till marriage. i just don't think it is waht is right for me. at all.
It might be right for some, but to be totally honest, I often find people who say they are waiting for religious believes to be pompous. (katie, you have never once come off as pompous at all though!). But i mean there are people who think they are better Christians or whatever for waiting, and honestly, it is my opinion that God would not have given us sexual desires that we couldnt act on.

There's no such thing really as a better Christian in God's eyes. We are all filled with faults, yet He loves us all the same. That being said, as a Christian it is very admirable to be a young person today and make it to marriage with your virginity. God gave us very many things, but he also gave us the right to choose our path - right or wrong. He instructed sex to be saved as a very sacred thing for marriage only, plain and simple. We as Christians can't pick and choose what we like to believe and what to leave out from the Bible, although it happens too often.

I am so very grateful every day for only being with my husband. It is traditionally taught to save sex for reasons. I have a friend my age coming off of a 3 yr relationship, one where marriage was discussed, forever was what was planned. She is having the worst time dealing, because she slept with him, thinking it was forever and wishes she would have waited. She tells me she regrets it, and wishes she would have waited till knowing it actually was forever with a man, because now that is gone. The emotional ties that were formed through sex are very hard to sever, as she is learning now. I even have a brother who is in the same situation and is having a very hard time, because the I love you's said after sex were added to their relationship were very real to him, and he didn't think this girl would sleep with him unless it was forever. He regrets it very much now.
I don't condemn anyone for their choices made in life; this girl has been my best friend for 15 years and I couldn't love her any more! It is not our place to judge, but I will always encourage abstinence!

I have a friend my age coming off of a 3 yr relationship, one where marriage was discussed, forever was what was planned. She is having the worst time dealing, because she slept with him, thinking it was forever and wishes she would have waited. She tells me she regrets it, and wishes she would have waited till knowing it actually was forever with a man, because now that is gone. !


THAT is the exact reason why I plan to wait. It is somewhat for religious beliefs but that story right there is the MAIN reason why I still have my v-card and plan to until marriage. Especially after coming off of a 2 year relationship where marriage was discussed and it was supposed to be "forever". NOt that it was easy to get over, but it would have be soooo much harder if I had slept with him.

I think you have to try out the goods. Even then you might thing bad product is something you can overcome. Some can. I couldnt :giggle

Ohh but the Catholic girl in me tells me you should wait, and it has me tell my children they REALLY should wait. Do as I say, not as I do.

To each their own.

I never had any desire to wait until marriage and I'm glad I didn't. I'm not a huge ho, but I'm glad I've had the experiences that I have.

I really think you should test the waters 1st

That's how I feel as well.

I believe your body should be cherished. Whether sex before marriage is an issue is a personal issue. But i don't believe the body should be missused and abused by sleeping with numerous people.

I think it's ok to test the waters. My first time was not with DH but with someone that i was in love with. I think you should wait until you're ready and when you're ready you'll know. where there's doubt there is no doubt.

I say test the waters. Don't go acting like a ho, but have relationships (or a frien) and when or if sex comes up and the person is comfortable with it, then go ahead. Sex is good.

I think a person should have sex when the time is right for them. if its waiting to be married then so be it if its not then, then its not. I don't think its so taboo anymore.

Well considering I have 2 kids and I'm not married, it's obvious how I feel about it. I think that it depends on your own personal beliefs though I wouldn't look down on someone either way.

I honestly think sex should be saved for marriage, but I didn't exactly follow that. I wish I had......It would have been a little more special for me. I have only slept with my DH, but it wasn't worth the stress and grief it caused for me...

I wouldn't unnecessarily say until marriage, but maybe until you find the one you want to be with. I'm the only person my hubby has been with (although it was before we were married) and I wish I could give him that too.

I think ideally it's a great idea to wait but it wasn't for me. Sometimes I wish I would have waited for my man but I'm very happy I had some past experience to know what I want too.

I had no religious reasons to wait, and I didn't want to wait. I'm glad that I've had the experiences I've had in the past. I didn't sleep around, by any stretch of the imagination, but I did learn something about those relationships.

Don't buy a car before test driving it in the city, on the highway, and a bumpy country road.

Don't get a man before test driving his behavior in front of your folks, his skills in the kitchen, and his actions in the bedroom.

For me personally I couldn't wait til I got married to have sex. I felt I needed to test the waters out, and not just settle with the man I ended up marrying later on down the road. Looking back, I don't regret that choice :)

Being that I'm still a virgin, my answer here probably has less value, but I'll answer anyway. I would definitely sleep with someone before marriage. Not necessarily to "test the waters" either. But if things just felt right for us, I don't see any reason to wait around.

I value my body and I value myself. I wouldn't just go giving it away... not at all. If I meet someone and I've dated them long enough to trust them, and to trust that things feel right in the moment... Well why not enjoy it? I guess while I value myself, I don't place any particular value on only having sex with one person ever.

Wow..I thought I was the only virgin on this site...who knew? :) :P

My first response to this was over a year ago (ironically before db and I were even together). It's changed a little, but not too much. Obviously...if db and I have been together for over a year and I still have my v-card. My original plan was to wait until marriage. This being to protect myself from heartache and regret. Now I'm thinking maybe engagement? Who knows. The longer we've been together part of me thinks maybe someday when the time feels right....but right now I can't picture the time feeling "right" because I know I want to wait. I'd like to wait at least until engagement so I know that its a pretty sure deal that he is the one I'll be with. Plus, I'm also just scared in some ways...

Hehe, I still need to find another willing participant before I can loose my v-badge. :P

Being that I'm still a virgin, my answer here probably has less value, but I'll answer anyway. I would definitely sleep with someone before marriage. Not necessarily to "test the waters" either. But if things just felt right for us, I don't see any reason to wait around.

I value my body and I value myself. I wouldn't just go giving it away... not at all. If I meet someone and I've dated them long enough to trust them, and to trust that things feel right in the moment... Well why not enjoy it? I guess while I value myself, I don't place any particular value on only having sex with one person ever.

I agree with you. I had planned to wait until marriage for a very long time... even up to the age of 18. That's just what felt right for me, having never been in a relationship. On top of that, I had a lot of other reasons, such as, if he's willing to wait with me, then that's how I know he truly respects and loves me.

But once I got into a relationship, things changed. I mean, my boyfriend did vow to wait until marriage if that's what he had to do to make me happy. But, on top of that, I realized you don't need to put such a test on a person to figure out what kind of person they are. Through getting to know them, you can tell if they would be able to wait for you if they had to.

Anyway, I basically just felt ready. It's hard to explain. But when you're ready, you know. And I don't regret my decision at all.

I don't think it's wrong to wait until marriage, and I also don't think it's wrong to "test drive". Do I think you NEED to test drive someone? No. Maybe you'll have to both go through some learning experiences once you're married. But if you have a very open relationship, then you should be able to tell each other what you like and don't like, and work together to make sex better. I don't believe that any person is doomed for life in that department. And you should know whether or not you're attracted to a person before having sex with them. And you can also discuss what you would like to try in bed before getting married. So if, say, your boyfriend says, "Oh man, I would love to try bondage!" and that freaks you out, well there you go.

On the other hand, if a person wants to "test drive" another person, then I don't see anything wrong with that either. But even with test driving, a person may not be completely open with everything they like... and a few years down, your husband could come out with, "Wow, our sex life sucks... I really want to try bondage, but you just always wanted to do missionary, and I never told you, because I didn't want to scare you off." You know?

Anyway, those are my thoughts.

I didn't wait until marriage.
Now don't get me wrong, I think it is completely wonderful for those who do wait. In some ways I wish I had.

I think it all depends on the person. Some people want to wait, some don't. It's really not a big deal if someone chooses to wait or not. I didn't and I never thought I would...I always told my mom I would wait but she found out I didn't! My choice was never based on testing waters or anything like that. If that were the case I would not be up to my #. Most (I can't find a word that doesn't make it seem like I've slept with thousands of guys!) guys I slept with I knew I wasn't going to marry and it never bothered me. I love sex, I love the way it feels(tmi i know!), and I would never change my decision to have sex before marriage.