Shannon
01-10-2008, 02:44 PM
What do you think of open marriages?
How can they work successfully?
Do you know anyone with an open marriage?
Here is some context, from Oprah.com, where she spoke with a couple in an open marriage. I thought it was really interesting.
Hollie and Gregg say they are a typical couple. Gregg is a computer programmer and Hollie is a stay-at-home mom. They met as teenagers when they worked together as camp counselors and have been married for almost 12 years. Hollie says she and Gregg are best friends and soul mates. Gregg says he and Hollie are "meant for each other."
Hollie enjoys reading, playing violin and knitting. Gregg's hobbies include reading, hiking, camping and fencing. They love their two children, and their marriage, they say, has never been better. But there's one thing about Hollie and Gregg's life together that's a little more unconventional.
Like 7 percent of women and 14 percent of men who answered a poll on Oprah.com, Hollie and Gregg say they have an open marriage.
When they said their vows, Gregg and Hollie say they had every intention of having a traditional, monogamous marriage. However, during a long car trip Gregg asked Hollie—who says she had never had sex with anyone besides Gregg—if she was curious about being with someone else. "And I said, 'Well, nothing's missing. I don't need it. I don't really think about it,'" Hollie says. "But sure, I mean, if you're curious, if you've only had one partner your whole life, I mean, sure, you'd wonder what it would be like with somebody else."
After that, they say, the option of having a relationship outside of the marriage—not becoming swingers—was left open. "Neither of us are really into casual sex, so we knew that nothing would happen right away," Gregg says.
Eventually Hollie started dating and eventually sleeping with one of their mutual friends. Gregg says he's flirted with other women but hasn't started an outside relationship of his own. Hollie stresses that their arrangement does not mean her marriage lacks something. "It's not like I get something from my sweetie that I don't get from Gregg," she says. "I mean, it's more a complement."
"She just has more love in her life," Gregg says. "It doesn't take anything away from what the two of us have."
In an Oprah.com poll, nearly 20 percent of male and female viewers said a happy open marriage is possible. When asked they were in an open marriage, 7 percent of women and 14 percent of men said yes. Are open marriages becoming more common? "Well, what I would say is this. Monogamy is not hardwired, monogamy is a choice," she says. "But that being said, what is hardwired is jealousy and envy and competition. These are normal human emotions and they're difficult to control."
"Only a third of marriages survive an affair and there's a reason for that," Dr. Saltz says. "It is very hard to get past those feelings of jealousy and hurt and betrayal. 'Do I really have all of you? Are you really mine?'"
How can they work successfully?
Do you know anyone with an open marriage?
Here is some context, from Oprah.com, where she spoke with a couple in an open marriage. I thought it was really interesting.
Hollie and Gregg say they are a typical couple. Gregg is a computer programmer and Hollie is a stay-at-home mom. They met as teenagers when they worked together as camp counselors and have been married for almost 12 years. Hollie says she and Gregg are best friends and soul mates. Gregg says he and Hollie are "meant for each other."
Hollie enjoys reading, playing violin and knitting. Gregg's hobbies include reading, hiking, camping and fencing. They love their two children, and their marriage, they say, has never been better. But there's one thing about Hollie and Gregg's life together that's a little more unconventional.
Like 7 percent of women and 14 percent of men who answered a poll on Oprah.com, Hollie and Gregg say they have an open marriage.
When they said their vows, Gregg and Hollie say they had every intention of having a traditional, monogamous marriage. However, during a long car trip Gregg asked Hollie—who says she had never had sex with anyone besides Gregg—if she was curious about being with someone else. "And I said, 'Well, nothing's missing. I don't need it. I don't really think about it,'" Hollie says. "But sure, I mean, if you're curious, if you've only had one partner your whole life, I mean, sure, you'd wonder what it would be like with somebody else."
After that, they say, the option of having a relationship outside of the marriage—not becoming swingers—was left open. "Neither of us are really into casual sex, so we knew that nothing would happen right away," Gregg says.
Eventually Hollie started dating and eventually sleeping with one of their mutual friends. Gregg says he's flirted with other women but hasn't started an outside relationship of his own. Hollie stresses that their arrangement does not mean her marriage lacks something. "It's not like I get something from my sweetie that I don't get from Gregg," she says. "I mean, it's more a complement."
"She just has more love in her life," Gregg says. "It doesn't take anything away from what the two of us have."
In an Oprah.com poll, nearly 20 percent of male and female viewers said a happy open marriage is possible. When asked they were in an open marriage, 7 percent of women and 14 percent of men said yes. Are open marriages becoming more common? "Well, what I would say is this. Monogamy is not hardwired, monogamy is a choice," she says. "But that being said, what is hardwired is jealousy and envy and competition. These are normal human emotions and they're difficult to control."
"Only a third of marriages survive an affair and there's a reason for that," Dr. Saltz says. "It is very hard to get past those feelings of jealousy and hurt and betrayal. 'Do I really have all of you? Are you really mine?'"