I live with my man and in the summer, his daughter is coming to live with us. She'll be nine. I wholeheartedly believe in AP but how do you implement it that late in the game?

I'm not sure about the AP at that age. As with any step-parent situation though you'll need to take it at her pace. My fiance's daughter is 7 and it isn't always easy. Best of luck to you.

Sigh....her upbringing with her mother isn't the greatest. I just want her to feel all the love in my heart that I have for her.

You mean 9 years, right? I had no idea that one could AP at 9 years of age after having not been AP'd in the past. I don't/didn't AP so I'm actually clueless - not knocking ya, I promise.

Can I offer advice as a former stepmom to 7 and 9 year old girls (they're teens now), though? Just 2 cents. If I was a little girl coming from a place I knew as home to stay with my dad and his wife/girlfriend/fiance I would already be a little scared in the first place and might not be very receptive to a lot of things, even things as simple as hugs and kisses. If you can keep that in mind and feel it out as you go, I think you'll be great. I also think it's wonderful that you care so much about making her feel safe and loved. Start small, and go from there.

Thanks. I get the co-sleeping and stuff is a no go but the gentle discipline is really what I want to aim for.

She used to live with her dad and then he got the job he has now and she couldn't be with him. He's been working on getting established and settled so he can get full custody back and it's been a long road.

Baby steps I guess are just what I'm going to shoot for.

gentle discipline sounds like a great start :yes

Baby steps are a good idea and please remember that there will be times when she doesn't want anything to do with you. She may feel threatened by your relationship with her dad and try to "compete" for his attention by acting out. Just remember not to take things personally when/if she rejects you. Acceptance will come in time. Just be patient and let her know you are there and you don't want to come between her and her dad. Find something fun to do together that you both enjoy. It's a big adjustment for all of you. Since you have time before she arrives try to work out what the rules are going to be and make a plan to work together as a couple to enforce them. I cannot tell you how many times my DF and I have clashed over what the kids can and can't do at our house.

Thanks DG, that's a good idea.

I'm going to see if she can come down for a visit before she moves so we can decorate her room together, the three of us.

I'm sure she'd like that!

Just figured I'd share an update.

I visited his son for my spring break and had a great time. I practiced some AP techniques with him and according to his mom, he was INCREDIBLY well behaved the whole week I was there. (She had "no idea" how I did it :D) The baby is two and just the most loving little boy ever. I miss him and his daddy :sadeyes

Just figured I'd share an update.

I visited his son for my spring break and had a great time. I practiced some AP techniques with him and according to his mom, he was INCREDIBLY well behaved the whole week I was there. (She had "no idea" how I did it :D) The baby is two and just the most loving little boy ever. I miss him and his daddy :sadeyes

I just saw this thread & I know it is late but I am glad to hear that all went well! And wanted to give you some more encouragement!

A child can be AP'd at any age, stage, whether they were as a baby or not. Being AP is all about following the child's lead & needs. It just so happens that a lot of AP parents do certain things like CD, BF, etc.

You coming in now with her being 9 is no reason not to AP. You can still follow her lead as well as her needs while implimenting gentle discipline! A child at 9 can still cry & therefore not have to CIO....though they are older so their self-soothing mechanism is already in place. However there are still children at that age that will throw fits. You can address the fit & handle the situation without letting the child scream & cry more than needed, if that makes sense!

I wish you well!