Supporting Your Learner


Caught in a battle over homework? Or working around the clock with your child completing a school project? Wondering what to do when your child forgets to hand in an assignment — a few days in a row? Baffled by experts who tell us we should help our children enjoy school and become independent learners? "Great," you might think, "but how?"
"Our children become independent learners very gradually," advises guidance counselor Linda Lendman, M.S.W. They learn at their own pace and you can support their process at home by nurturing what they are interested in and giving gentle guidance when they need assistance."
"What happens at home has a lot to do with supporting your child's success as a learner — and this goes way beyond making sure she gets her homework done or studies for the test. You want to help kids learn how to feel competent and positive about their learning. One way to begin is to help kids organize themselves (at their developmental level); create a schedule for doing their work and discover how they can follow it, so school work becomes a rich part of their after-school lives, but not the only part," advises Diane Levin, Ph.D., professor of education at Wheelock College.
While there's no magic recipe, there are ways to help kids plan their time, complete their homework, and make the most of school. These strategies can help you help your child get excited about learning (or at least get you through some tough spots along the way).
The Parent’s Role

Although a parent's role in their children's learning evolves as kids grow, one thing remains constant: we are our children's learning models. Our attitudes about education can inspire theirs and show them how to take charge of their own educational journey.
Be a role model for learning. In the early years, parents are their children's first teachers — exploring nature, reading together, cooking together, and counting together. When a young child begins formal school, the parent's job is to show him how school can extend the learning you began together at home, and how exciting and meaningful this learning can be. As preschoolers grow into school age kids, parents become their children's learning coaches. Through guidance and reminders, parents help their kids organize their time and support their desires to learn new things in and out of school.
Pay attention to what your child loves. "One of the most important things a parent can do is notice her child. Is he a talker or is he shy? Find out what interests him and help him explore it. Let your child show you the way he likes to learn," recommends Dalton Miller-Jones, Ph.D.
Tune into how your child learns. Many children use a combination of modalities to study and learn. Some learn visually through making and seeing pictures, others through tactile experiences, like building block towers and working with clay. Still others are auditory learners who pay most attention to what they hear. And they may not learn the same way their siblings (or you) do. By paying attention to how your child learns, you may be able to pique his interest and explain tough topics by drawing pictures together, creating charts, building models, singing songs and even making up rhymes.
Practice what your child learns at school. Many teachers encourage parents to go over what their young children are learning in a non-pressured way and to practice what they may need extra help with. This doesn't mean drilling them for success, but it may mean going over basic counting skills, multiplication tables or letter recognition, depending on the needs and learning level of your child. "There may be times to review, but don't take on the role of drill master," adds Diane Levin, Ph.D. " And when you do review it should feel as if your child wants to be a part of the practice."
Set aside time to read together. Read aloud regularly, even to older kids. If your child is a reluctant reader, reading aloud will expose her to the structure and vocabulary of good literature and get her interested in reading more. "Reading the first two chapters of a book together can help, because these are often the toughest in terms of plot," notes Susan Becker, M.Ed. "Also try alternating: you read one chapter aloud, she reads another to herself. And let kids pick the books they like. Book series are great for reluctant readers. It's OK to read easy, interesting books instead of harder novels."
Connect what your child learns to everyday life. Make learning part of your child's everyday experience, especially when it comes out of your child's natural questions. When you cook together, do measuring math. When you drive in the car, count license plates and talk about the states. When you turn on the blender, explore how it works together. When your child studies the weather, talk about why it was so hot at the beach. Have give-and-take conversations, listening to your child's ideas instead of pouring information into their heads.
Connect what your child learns to the world. Find age-appropriate ways to help your older child connect his school learning to world events. Start by asking questions. For example, ask a second-grader if she knows about a recent event, and what's she heard. Then ask what she could do to help (such as sending supplies to hurricane victims). You might ask a younger child if he's heard about anything the news, and find out what he knows. This will help your child become a caring learner.
Help your child take charge of his learning. "We want to keep children in charge of their learning and become responsible for it," says Dalton Miller-Jones, Ph.D. "We want them to be responsible for their successes and failures, show them how engaging learning is, and that the motivations for learning should be the child's intrinsic interests, not an external reward."
Don't over-schedule your child. While you may want to supplement school with outside activities, be judicious about how much you let or urge your child to do. Kids need downtime as much as they may need to pursue extra-curricular activities. "If a child has homework and organized sports and a music lesson and is part of a youth group in church or synagogue, it can quickly become a joyless race from one thing to another. Therefore, monitor your child to see that he is truly enjoying what he is doing. If he isn't, cut something off the schedule," advises Michael Thompson, Ph.D.
Keep TV to a minimum. "Watching lots of TV does not give children the chance to develop their own interests and explore on their own, because it controls the agenda," advises Diane Levin, Ph.D. "However, unstructured time with books, toys, crafts and friends allows children to learn how to be in charge of their agenda, and to develop their own interests, skills, solutions and expertise."
Learn something new yourself. Learning something new yourself is a great way to model the learning process for your child. Take up a new language or craft, or read about an unfamiliar topic. Show your child what you are learning and how you may be struggling. You'll gain a better understanding of what your child is going through and your child may learn study skills by watching you study. You might even establish a joint study time.
Helping with Homework

Wondering how to help your children with homework — or how to get them to do it without a struggle? Here's how.
What's the point of homework? "Homework is designed to help students reinforce key concepts, process and solidify new information, provide time for extra practice of skills, and reflect on how much they've learned," notes teacher Susan Becker, M.Ed. However, approaches to homework vary from district to district, school to school and teacher to teacher. Some schools don't give children homework until the 2nd grade, others start in kindergarten. Some teachers create original homework, while other use or modify prepared work sheets.
Don't do the homework for your child. Most teachers use homework to find out what the child knows. They do not want parents doing their children's homework but do want parents to make sure homework is completed and review any mistakes to see what can be learned from them.
Don't take over your child's projects. Teachers do not want parents doing their kids' projects. Instead, they want parents to support their kids' learning and make sure they have what they need to accomplish a task. Check with your child's teacher for his policy and review it with your child.
Set up a good space to work. All children need the same thing: a clean, well-lit space. But keep in mind that each child may work differently; some will do their work at the kitchen table and others at their desks in their rooms.
Pay attention to your child's rhythms and help him find the right time to begin his work. Some children will work best by doing homework right after school; others need a longer break and must run around before tackling the work. Most will need a snack. If your child does after-school activities, set a homework time before or after the activity, or after dinner. Whatever routine you choose, help your child stick to it.
Find out how your child studies best. "You should find the ways your child likes to study. For example, some kids will learn spelling words by writing them out, others by closing their eyes and picturing them and saying them aloud," advises teacher Susan Becker, M.Ed. "The sound environment is also important," adds Michael Thompson, Ph.D. "Some kids may want to listen to music, some are helped by being in the middle of noise, others need absolute quiet."
Don't hover — but stay close by. Keep in mind that it's their homework, not yours, but remain available in case you are needed. "The ideal set up would be for a parent to be reading nearby while the child is studying because then you both are doing your educational work together, but that's not always possible," says Michael Thompson, Ph.D. "A parent may be working out of the home, or need to be working in the home and cooking dinner. So if you are home, stay close, and if you are not there, have another adult check to make sure it's going OK. And remember that all homework is not equal, so not everything will need your rapt attention."
Limit media exposure. Turn off the TV and the iPod when your child does homework. And the computer too, unless it's being used for research. You might start by asking how much time he thinks he should spend on this, and negotiate from there. Remember, you have the final word. And keep in mind that if you watch TV when your child can't, the plan may backfire.
Let the teacher know if you gave your child a lot of homework help. "If your child needs extra help or truly doesn't understand something, let the teacher know. Write on the assignment, 'done with parental help,' or write a separate note," advises Michael Thompson, Ph.D. If your child resists, explain that homework is used to practice what you know and to show the teacher what you need help learning more about — so it's a parent's job to let the teacher know.
The Tough Stuff

No matter how hard you try, your child may struggle academically at some point in his school career. Here are some strategies to help you both cope when the going gets tough.
Let your kids get frustrated. When kids are having a hard time with homework or a school-related subject, they often explode with anger. And parents wonder "What did I do wrong?" "You didn't necessarily do anything," advises Michael Thompson, Ph.D. "Sometimes when kids feel misunderstood at school or frustrated by a subject, they get angry or provoke the parent — as a way of making you feel as helpless or angry as they feel. It's almost like your child is saying, 'would you hold my hopelessness for a while?' Or 'I need you to feel what I am going through, so I am going to make you angry.'"
Take a break. If your child says "I can't do it!" and throws the pencil down, take a little break. Maybe she needs to rant and blow off a little steam. Come back in five minutes and start fresh. (Those five minutes could save you an hour of struggle.) This also gives a child a chance to "save face" and start over, without even discussing the previous difficulty or outburst.
Don't always try to have a rational conversation. When kids get very upset about school, the upset may get in the way of their being rational. So wait it out instead of arguing or grilling children about the situation. Once they cool down, you might be able to talk it through.
Let your child make his own mistakes. It's hard not to correct a child's homework, but most teachers ask you not to take over unless your child asks for your help or the teacher requests it. Teachers generally want to know what the child understands, not what the parent understands about the material.
Put a time limit on the work. Most teachers will not expect younger kids to work longer than a half-hour on homework from any particular subject, but ask your teacher for a time limit. If your child struggles (while actively trying) and exceeds the limit, write the teacher a note explaining that's all that could get done.
Contact the school. If homework or a project is turning into a dreaded battle, talk with the school. Don't wait for your next conference. It's obviously time for some new insights and new strategies.
Help your child learn how to organize himself. This is a life-long skill that can be taught, but it can be challenging to do so. However you can help your child discover the organizational tricks that will work for him by sharing some of your own. "It's very difficult to teach children to be organized if it is not in their nature (or yours)," says guidance counselor Linda Lendman, M.S.W. "Encourage your child to label everything. Develop strategies, like the 'must-do list' before you leave school (put math book in backpack). Schedule a weekly 'clean out the backpack and clean off your desk' time so papers don't build up. Be patient, and try not to place blame."
Recognize that school work will never be conflict-free. No one ever raised a child without a homework battle. "There is no conflict-free homework strategy for most kids," says Michael Thompson, Ph.D. "At times, kids will find it fun and fascinating. Other times, it may be something they just have to do, and you have to help them find the structure for getting it done."