So if you read my newbie intro you know that I have a wierd thing going on.
My home consists of 2 adults (my boyfriend and I) and 4 children (his 3 sibblings and my 2 year old daughter). The kids are 12, 14, 16 and 2. The kids parents live in a 10 mile radius. The mother has a drinking problem and the father has a drug problem. My boyfriend and I took the kids in and moved in to a house big enough for everyone about a week ago. Note: I am 25 years old and my boyfriend is only 23!

The kids bring with them a lot of emotional scaring which I can't blame them for at all. My two year old just loves that there is a full house, she is unaware that her biological father is nor has ever been in the picture. As far as she is concerned, my bf is her daddy. The kids however are very aware of the situation and sometimes they take their frustrations out on each other or sometimes even me. My bf's schedule is from 2:30 pm to 12:30 am. So basically he is never home with the exeption of the weekend. I am left to guide the children essentially on my own, not to mention maintain a full time carreer. I love the kids with all of my heart. It's frustrating at times because I wish I could erase their pain and they can start over.

I feel like :hissyfit sometimes because the kids frequently visit their parents, I wish they didn't so they would not be exposed to that type of enviornment where drugs and alcohol are involved. But at the same time, seeing the kids is the only bright side of the parents lives. I am not married, the kid's parents are "in the picture" I dont' know what I am to them, a step mom? A step sister? A nosy girlfriend? I just know that I feel like the bad guy most of the time and it sucks!!!:beg GOD PLEASE GUIDE ME!!!!!!

Wow, you really do have your hands full and you are right you do serve multiple roles. Is this situation going to be a permanent or long term thing? My best advice is stick to your guns. Establish a set of rules in your house and enforce them. Don't worry so much about the children liking you as in keeping them all safe and taken care of. I'm sorry that their parents aren't stepping up to the plate. I hope they are at least helping you financially.

Well so far I have set the rules for the house and I strickly enforce them. That's why I feel like the bad guy sometimes, but I am not going to bend. Unfortunately my bf and I are the only ones providing financially. I just need to fit myself in there somewhere. I have not yet figured out how to have a full time carreer, be a full time mom, mentor and take care of myself. This site has really been an outlet for me since I can not express these frustrations with the children and my bf is always at work.

I know some of what you are feeling. My ex is consumed in his own world of drugs and selfishness while my fiance and I raise the kids. My fiance has 3 and I have 2 and I constantly feel as if I have to be the bad guy when his kids are here. Bottom line is they aren't mine. I can love them and do my best to help them grow into responsible adults but that doesn't mean that they are going to like my methods. Like you I'm trying to find my way between being a mom, a friend and a role model to these kids. It's hard and I think no matter what situation we are in everyone has times when they have to juggle multiple roles. I'm glad you found this site and you can let it out somewhere. It sounds like you are doing a great job so far.

Yeah that is a very similar situation. I am a big believer in God and I think he puts us in situations for many reasons. I do find myself getting stronger every day. Being a parent is difficult enough, but trying to be a parent for children that don't want another parental figure is close to impossible. For today, I was a good mentor when I attempted to help the kids with their homework. I was their mom when I fixed them supper and I was their enemy when I lost my cool and yelled at them for constantly talking back to me and disrespecting my rules. At the end of the day the youngest one is the most trying, after spending all afternoon helping him with his homework he still wants to talk back to me and after scolding him for doing so has the audacity to step up to me like he is going to hit me...I wish he would try something like that. Still I think the outcome will conquer all of this. Maybe one day they will see what I was trying to do...Even when or if it is too late.

So it's been a couple of months now and things are steady. I still feel like the bad guy and I hate that I am not the kids parent. I feel like they HAVE to like me or respect me but if they had it their way I wouldn't even be in the picture. I am trying to stay motivated..............and you know what else sucks??? Because I am taking care of 3 kids that are not my own and our house is pretty much full and our money is pretty much spent............my boyfriend doesn't want to have a baby with me. I dont' think it's fair that because I am taking care of someone else's kids that I can't have more children of my own:(

What we did when Brianna was here, is we Posted a list of all the rules and a list of all of her responsibilities. Eric and I both sat down with her and explained that they were to be followed at all times, and there would be consequences if she failed to do so. We enforced every rule every time. Unfortunately, she decided that she didn't want rules and moved back in with her Grandmother. Well, you know how that played out.

I follow the same thing with Yasmine and it works pretty good. I think it's bc she's young and she still tries to make me proud. The problem with taking in older kids is that they don't care if you are proud of them bc they don't have that relationship with you. It's harder for them to see that you are doing what is best for them. Nonetheless you are doing it for their future and you must stick to your guns. Try a reward system. The one who follows the rules without talking back the most gets to pick what's for dinner, or something.

As far as having a baby, take it easy! one big thing at a time!! you just bought a house together and moved in the whole pack in under 6 months!!! Add a baby and I'll be seeing you on an episode of Dr. Phil!

Wow, what a heavy load. What is going on legally speaking in terms of custody? Is your boyfriend officially their legal guardian rather than their parents? I'm just wondering how that works with child services and the school system. Who is claiming them as dependents on taxes, etc? I mean, since you guys are supporting them entirely... Could you get extra help with that?

Were you two thinking about kids together sometime soon? If the youngest is 12, then could you wait 6 years until they're out of the house?

Wow, what a heavy load. What is going on legally speaking in terms of custody? Is your boyfriend officially their legal guardian rather than their parents? I'm just wondering how that works with child services and the school system. Who is claiming them as dependents on taxes, etc? I mean, since you guys are supporting them entirely... Could you get extra help with that?

Were you two thinking about kids together sometime soon? If the youngest is 12, then could you wait 6 years until they're out of the house?

Well legally speaking.....The father has custody. He does let my boyfriend claim the kids during tax season. Other than that, we don't have any more rights. As far as the schools go, my boyfriend is listed as a qualified guardian so that's how that works. Right now we HAVE to take care of the kids. Their father is in Rehab and their mom is just not physically able. I don't mind taking care of them, I love them soooooooo much. I just wish they were mine so I can really lay down the law!!!

We have not been planning on having any children of our own....I already came with one and she is going to be three July 1st. So it's 4 kids total. My problem is this.

I have a tilted uteris. I am not one of those girls that get's "accidentally" pregnant. Before I got pregnant with my baby I had been actively trying for three years. I am not on BC right now and we do not use condoms (he pulls out)....I know this is not always effective but for me it is. I need direct fertilization or else I won't get preggo. The Dr. Said with my first that in my condition she was surprised I could get pregnant in the first place. So my baby is 3 years old I am 25. I want to start trying to get pregnant because I do not want to get older and not be able to have any more children (I already had a scare where they thought I had cervical cancer, but I don't).....But he won't even start trying because we already have a full house.